Tuesday, October 7, 2008

I am a Mess

I'm not in the greatest of spirits today.
Yesterday, after Torah study, Mark and I stopped at Gene Walters ( food store)for a few things this weekend.

I realize that this will be one of the last times we will shop togther for at least a year. Food shopping are amoung the activites Mark and I enjoy. He loves to help me; we clean the house together, cook together, even do the laundry. Mark Reel is the only man I know that will not only go to the Knitting, Quilting or Needlework store with his wife, but help her with her choices. In fact, Mark is an excellent Needleman himself. Sometimes in the evening we cross-stitch together. He plans to take a project with him; he says he will have plenty of time .
I realize more and more that Mark's deployment leaves a huge hole in my life; as huge as the Grand Canyon. How do men and women who do not know Yeshua handle this? Yes, I have many projects of my own to fill my time, I can even grow in my faith during this time.
But I am also human. And the thought of a year without my beloved Mark cuts me to the core. He isn't just my beloved, but my bestfriend. And I have to go without my bestfriend for a year.
What is worse; I feel so selfish! This is harder on Mark than it is on me. He is leaving for a war zone. He is leaving me, family and friends, his home, country. I fight my own selfish moods and try to be strongh for my beloved. He needs me now more than he ever has. And yet, he is so understanding. He holds me and loves me and assures me everything is going to be alright.

I am truly proud of Mark; of all the choses of career he could have chosen, he picked serving and protecting the country he loves. And I support him in that.

But I am also going to mess him so very much.

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