Struggling

Saturday, December 8, 20076:02:00 PM EST
Feeling: Angry

I stayed home from Beth Messiah today.
Last night was very hard. Dealing with a rude older woman that I know none can correct (if you do, you are the one who is wrong)
The lights of the Hanukkiah's lit up the room and Mark wasn't there.
Dealing with another rude comment because the Challah was a little darker than it usally is. (I left the loaves in the oven too long) but they were still good. It is a joyful time and yet I am without my beloved.
Right now, I just need to be alone, enjoying the light of the candles, a few movies and then the Torah.
I am trying to feel the warmth from the candles, but it just isn't there for me right now. I am feeling alone. Right now, I don't even feel my L-rd. I know He is here, I know that He loves me. But right now, I just don't feel it.
And I know enough not to go by my feelings.

Saturday, December 8, 20076:46:00 PM EST
Feeling: Quiet
Hearing: Popping Popcorn
Popcorn and A Christmas Carol
The candles are almost burned down.
I took pictures of the five Hanukkhiah aflamed. Each of the Hanukkahiah has a story. The ones Mark recieved this year while in Iraq will have their own stories as well. I love the colours that dance before me. Mark and I like the multi-coloured candles with tiny little coloured pearls on them. They give off a rich colour, like a lush rainbow. Mark is taking pictures as well and I can't wait to see them.
I am planning a night of movies. My three favorite A Christmas Carols back to back with a big bowel of popcorn.

Something Mark and I love to do on Christmas.