Sunday, November 9, 2008

It's The Little Things I Miss the Most

From Dec. 27th, 2007
I was in bed by 9 p.m last night. I really do need to make going to bed at a decent time a habit.
Since Sunday, I'd been on a dead run and really needed the sleep. I fell into bed exhauted.
I slept this morning past sunrise. my mornning prayers, said the Shema, did my morning stetches and will make coffee. And might go back to bed since I am still very tired.
The house needs picking up.
I will do that later.
As always, my mind goes back to Iraq. After two good nights of sleep and good meds, Mark is getting over his cold. I need to send the cook my recipe for chicken soup.
It kills any virus.
As I think about Mark, I realize that it is the little things I miss most....
The way he plays with my curls. The way he would insist on making and bringing me my coffee.
Sometimes I would be in the shower and slowly I would see my coffee mug come slipping in to greet me.
I miss the way he would lovingly wash my back, his voice as he would read the Torah or any of the books we were reading before bed.
The way he would bring me some little treat, flower, piece of clothing or jeweley "just because." I miss the way I would be doing my housework and suddely find myself being swung about in a wild dance in the arms of my beloved.
I just miss him.

Last week I accounted someone who said to me: "if you were more spiritual, you would trust G-d with Mark and wouldn't miss him so much."
I suggested since she was stronger than I, why doesn't she send her husband to take Mark's place since she was strong enough to handle the stress of deployment better than I.
She had nothing to say.
I thought so.

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