Sunday, November 9, 2008

Blue is Now One of My flavorite Colours

From; Saturday, December 29, 20079:37:00 PM EST

Feeling: Happy

I'm about to watch the movie the Miracle Worker. It is the life story of Yeshua told from a child's point of view and it is faithful to our Jewish roots. I'd seem it years ago and plan to buy the DVD since it is now available. But for now, I will enjoy watching the Life of Yeshua unfold as I work on a baby blanket.
It is had that satan works best in the darkness. When we hide (or try to hide) our sin, our hurts, pains and fears, this becomes the playground for the devil. Since I was a child I suffered from manic depression; now known as bi-polar. It wasn't until I was an adult and fought out counseling that I realize that what I suffered from was a disease, not just a life long case of moodiness. For awhile, I did take Prozac, in my case it helped. I am no longer on medication. And while there are times the depression comes back, I have learned how to tame it.
Yes, I said tame. As strange as this sounded, I learned not to fight the big blue Jinn, known as Depression, but learned how to turn into my servant.

Like the Jinn from Aladdin' Lamp, that which tried to master me, I learned to master it. That which I still call the Big Blue, what use to keep me in bed or on my sofa, struck in a blue fog, is what now stirs the creaive juices in my being, causes me to reach out to others and drives me into the Torah. I learn through depression to see that "dark time" as a time of growth, of leaning more on my G-d. I use to say to friends, "no, I'm not depress."

But everyone knew I was. Years ago, however, I learned that if I am honest, that I say, "yes, I am depressed right now, but I am working through it," the chains of depression drop off one by one.
I use to see the depression as a dark blue. I still "see" that blue. It is a blue-purple, rich and royal. What I use to hate, I now know that G-d uses in my life.
Blue is a beautiful colour.

The colour of Life itself.

No comments: