The house is quiet; people, dogs and wolves are asleep.
Except me.
It is one of those nights I miss my beloved. I spoke to him earlier in the evening. But it doesn't take away the ach in my heart.
Tonight I heard the lonliness in Mark's voice. I hear it all the time. Tonight it went through me like the Montana cold..
Mark said how he longs to be held in my arms again. How I long to be in his.
They say the time shall fly by. But right now, it seens to be dragging its foot, teasing us with this what seens to be an endless wait.
But one day, the waiting will be over.
And I shall hold my hero, my beloved in my arms again.
It started snowing once again here in Montana.
It is both beautiful and cold.
Wonderful day for working on the laptop and Mark's quilt.
Uncle Jim downloaded a copy of the Tanank onto my laptop, both english and hebrew, a great help as I learn hebrew and study Torah.
I miss Mark, but the pain is eased by being around family, of sharing Mark stories and knowing they are here for me, to listen, to make me laugh.
Working on Mark's quilt has helped me center, to find that peaceful place where my forcus isn't on the dangers my beloved could be facing, but on the project before me, picturing the expression upon Mark's face when he sees it for the first time, what it will look like on our bed.
And one day, G-d willing, our children snuggled under its warmth.
I am still enjoying my time here in Montana.
Sunday, I return home.
I will be working o Mark's quilt until Thrusday and then will mail it home with a few other things.
I picked up some things here in Montana and will send them in a Carepackage along with letters from the family.
I know that he will love to get a package from Montana; the first several years of his life was spead here.
We are making plans to come and visit this this Spring and then visit my sister and her family in Bostan.
Each time I speak to Mark now, he mentions how much he is looking forward to coming home, to our being together, even if it is only a few weeks.
Already, I am working on ideas for a homecoming. Since he returns the week after Valentine's Day, I am planning to decorate the home with that theme, including red rose petals.
So we are both looking forward to going home; me to prepae for my beloved.
Mark returning to me.
I'd been here for two weeks and even with the snow, I love it here.
There is such peace and quiet and my mind is finally at rest. Yes, I still have concerns about my beloved, but I am sleeping nights, working on Mark's quilt and enjoying my family.
I am finishing a book I brought with me and reading one Uncle Jim loan me. It is so thick, I shall never get through it before I leave, so I'll have to order it online.
Mark has moved to his new duty station and as he is very busy, he speak to him very few days. But I am just happy tp speak to him.
We just hit the six month point of Mark's deployment. We now have about five and a half months to go.
So now I am doing a court down to when my hero comes home.
Any one who knows me, knows I hate snow.
Having been born in New York and raised in Boston, I have had to travel in this wet, white stuff through school and then work.
Snow ball fights; ten minutes. Snowman; ten minutes. That's it.
And yet, even as a child I knew that snow was also clean and fresh, cleaning the air and its surroundings. It is a new, fresh beginning. For the people of Afghanistan, the snow is a fresh supple of water that the villagers need.
As I sit here, working on this blog, I look outside at snown covered mountains. Such a peaceful scene. I love to put on my jacket and watch the wolves play in the snow. Or take in the peaceful sight before me. At times it feels as if the snow itself is washing away the depression, giving me a fresh view on life.
I'd been in Montana a week.
My body feels lighter, my head clearer. My spirit renewed.
It is also a joy to be with family. We can laugh and talk, share stories about Mark , and with little sister Jay, get into alittle bit of trouble.
I see a snowball fight in my future.
For the past week, I have been in Montana.
And while there is snow as far as the eye can see, I am looking it.
I am staying with Mark's Aunt and Uncle who have opened their home and their hearts to me.
I arrived Sunday evening, after a day of traveling. I might have enjoyed the trip if trying to get to one's connected flight wasn't like Track and Field.
The West is so beautiful and where we are, so peaceful, so quiet. Uncle Jim's and Aunt Michael's home is builded into the mountain side. The house is heated by wood heat and it is nice and toasty.
Here I have been able to sleep, to still the insane thoughts that often attack me. I also don't have to hear "we support our troops"
It is done.
Here people don't just 'pray' (while needed) but hug and and pat you on the back, offer to buy you a cup of Starbucks and that YOU for standing behind your husband as he does his job.
Where I have no fear of voicing my concerns, yes my fears and no worries of being judged.
It is here, in these quiet mountians I have found the peace my soul longed for.
Yes, I miss my Starbucks buddy, but now I laugh daily.
And when I return home in three weeks time, I shall be able to cope better with the months that laid before me.
This trip has taught me the real need of the spouse taking care of him/herself while their mate is deployed. We are so busy keeping the homefires going, keeping all of the balls in the air, we forget that there is a spouse in Iraq or Afghanistan that needs us healthly. They need to know we are ok.
But we must do it for ourselves as well.
That is truly ok to take a trip to the Spa, the beach, visit a national site. Just allow the body to breath new air and the soul renew itself.
Each of us needs to find that place of retreat.
Right now, Montana is my.
.JPG)
