When our service member is home and life is happy, it is easy enjoy the military life.
But when duty calls, many decide this isn't the life for them anyone.
Mama didn't tell me their would be days like this....
Whether it is traning exercises or real world deployment or worse, now into it's seventh year, back to back deploymnents in a warzone, so many complain by letter, e-mail and phone that the service doen't even want to call home, knowing what waits them.
Parnets complain about missed birthday and angry that they shall miss their sister's wedding.
Wives fear being a young widow and raising children alone, while husbands fear their wives will fall in love with one of the guys she works with.
There are often outburst of anger when one hasn't had a phone call in days or weeks and the service member may stop calling all together. Ultmatumn often issued: it's the service or me.
As the mum of a sailor, I have indeed done my share of prayer-worrying. Sad that I missed a birthday, but send a huge carepackage. I still light a candle for him.
As the wife of a soldier, I also know the frustations of no e-mail or weeks of no contact. But I don't get angry. I am aware that computers and phones go down or if there was a death in the unit, a news blackout until the family can be contacted. When my phone rings, I am just so happy to hear his voice. I am thrilled to get a e-mail and the little surprises like a new tunic from where he is, always makes my day.
It is bittersweet to marry into the military.
It is a hard life when your beloved is away. But that person is still your beloved.
No one can warn or really prepare you for this life. There are now books on the subject and the military is doing a better job at preparing families, but it is still like learning to swin: you can't just read about it. You still have to get into the water.
The military doesn't destroy marriages; it does shine a light in it. It can make your marriage stronger, or you can allow it to make it weaker.
Notice I said ALLOW.
Marriage takes two people. And like any marriage, a military is as strong and weak, as loving as the couple.
No, I shall never say it is easy for my Mark to be so far away from me. To not feel his warmth in our bed or feel his arms around me when I am cooking.
But I love the man and I know he loves me. We are committed to the G-d we both love, each other and OUR job.
The military.
Yes, I know, many women hate it. I can't say love cleaning.
And yet I can't say I hate it too.
Because when I think of the love that went into creating this apartment, the feel we wanted, the love that is shared in this home, how can I hate to clean it?
I think of the meals we have shared with family as well as friends. The laugher that has filled the air. When I think how Mark and I took our time (well, Mark was patient with me) to find just the right apartment. How we together picked out the Dinningroom set and Mark's excitement when he found just the right livingroom suite. And it was; we just had to change the colour.
It is the place after a year's deployment, my beloved comes back to, rest his head and be with the woman he loves.
And G-d willing, one day, the laugher of children shall fill our home.
So, off to cleaning my lovely home I go.
Maybe I shall even recieve a call today.
There are times it is very hard to figure out when one has crossed the line from sharing one's pain and longing and whining. To know when it is ok to stay in bed for the day or to put on your big girl panties and deal with it. When letting the housework slide is ok and when you need to really pull yourself together.
To know when to be strong and when it is ok to admit your not.
When do we allow friend to cry on our shoulder because their missing thier beloved who still has six months to go on their deployment and when do we grab them by the shoulders and tell them to "Man Up! Your spouse needs YOU to be strong!"
Not having children (yet) I don't have the blessing of little people to take care of. And since I am a homemaker, I keep the Tent of the Reel Tribe in running order.
For me, I allow one day of depression, of sleeping in, of crying and maybe a bowl (small) of ice cream.
But then there is the next day....
"Mrs R! Look at YOU!!!! Get in that shower! Braid your hair! Put on rose body oil, the scent your man likes. Put on your sweats and go out for that morning walk! MOVE IT!"
There are times the tears fall and I let them.
Others, i go and wash my face and smile into my reflection in the mirror, remembering that there is someone half way around the world that loves this face. And I need to take care of me and our home for him. Just as he is taking care of himself to come back to me.
I look at that reflection and remind myself that I am a woman, not a child. That I don't whine, but shine.
And that only big girls get to wear Hot Pink Panties.
So deal with it.
Shalom:
As my readers know, Mark's birthday was last week.
And he informed me that I, his loving wife, brought him a beautiful silk rug for his birthday.
Aren't I the thoughtful wife :)
This called The Four Seasons, because it changes colours when you turn it in different directions. And I know it is going to look great in our bedroom.
Today I packed a carepackage for my beloved. Filled with dried fruits, a few cans of kippers (Mark loves kippers in his salad) a four can pack of Del Monte Mandarin Oranges (he loves mandarin oranges with cottage cheese) and Empire's Truffles from Isreal. I send those to Mark in his Passover Carepackage and they were such a hit I brought him another box. Since there is Volanico ash causes flights to be rerouted, instead of baking cookies and taking the change of they arriving to Mark fresh, I found Mrs. Fileds oatmeal raisin with walnuts cookies. They are nice and big as well as soft and chewy..
And of course a few letters. Mark says he likes getting letters from home. Something he can read over and over again.
He recieved some cards from home yesterday. But still not my cards.
But Mark reminds me not be upset: they will come.
http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=2621471&l=6363489703&id=774981951
Shalom:
The above is a project I did several months ago, mainly for my sanity. But I also knew a few women who were about to walk under the formation of sword arches and recieve that smack on the bump with the words: "welcome into the army Mrs..."
Which is one of the reasons I didn't want a military wedding.
While my answers may not be for everyone, they are what keeps me going. It is what keeps me connected with my husband, keeps the love alive and the flames going.
Being a military spouse isn't easy and it isn't for the faint of heart. But I wouldn't trade my life with anyone. For I am married to the greatest guy in the world, my bestfriend, a man who loves me dearly, and I him. As a army wife, I am part of something bigger than myself, somehting that makes a difference in the world as well as my nation.
And how people can really say that?
