Strong Bonds: On Our Way

We started out mid-morning Friday morning.
It was a beauiful, sunny Jaunry. It felt more like autumn than winter. I stood in front of our car as mark loaded her with our suitcases, thinking what amazing life I have.
True,n either one of us are working right now. Mark's father recent back surgery, and me having all sorts of test. We stay half a paycheck from being put out on the streets and yet, I feel blessed.
I feel blessed because I am.
I watch Mark, this man I have the honour to call my husband, my lover and my bestfriend. A man I am willing to follow through hell itself, knowing he will lead me to heaven is on the other side.
And frankly, we are going through hell.
We had been to SkyTop Lodge three weeks ago for the Yellow Ribbon and looked forwarded to returning. True, we won't have much time alone. But it is still a lovely place for a get away.
And since the event counts as AT (Anuuel Training) Mark does get paid.
Money always helps.
An hour into our trip, we both laughed over the fact that we had forgotten our music CDs, so we listened to the radio once again.
Sometimes it was a talk program. Sometimes an oldie-but-goodness station laughing with happy surprise of "YOU know that song?"

We stopped for the stretching of legs and rest rooms. The weather was being to become chilly. Good thing we had jackets in the back seat.

I thought this was rather pretty, giving visitors of the rest stop a taste of the surroundings.

I never did find out the name of this river. Maybe one day.
Soon, we were back on the road again.
I rather like these times. Since August of last year, we have attended a miliarty program of one sort or another. The pay Mark recieved for each trip has truly helped, and the get aways have been great respite from all the stress we have been under.
During these rides we talk, we laugh. Mark tells me how much he loves me. And I share my love for him.
And then it happen.....
Mark who though he could remind how to get to SkyTop without a map, got lost.
At first, I managed not to get angry or panic. I chose to believe we would by the grace of G-d get back on track.
We didn't.
By six pm, we didn't have the faintest idea where we were.
And by now, my sense of adventure was long gone. The only reason why Mark lived was because I don't drive.
We did find a Rite-Aid, with a map. We were a half an hour from the Lodge. However, somehow, someway, Mark got turned around and we were heading AWAY from SkyTop.
And yes, I was mad. Mark, being a good sport, allowed me to vent.
No, I didn't hit him.
Finally, we did get back on track, seeing buildings and signs we recoginzed, leading us to the Lodge.
I had to work through my anger, not wishing for it to ruin our weekend.
It was about nine pm when we finally arrived to SkyTop. This time we would be staying in one of the cabins.

Mark went back to main lodge and found one of the food outlets opened.
Hamburgers never tasted so good.
Knowing we would have an early morning, we headed off to bed.
And I had to pray hard.
Yes, I was angry about Mark not having the map. I knew he was sorry.
And I wasn't going to allow this to ruin our weekend.
I had to pray hard that night.

Strong Bonds

 Last weekend (Januray 6-8) my husband and I attended a program known as Strong Bonds
And what is Strong Bonds?
Strong Bonds is a chaplain-led programs for commanders and thier families. Its mission is to increase soldier and the family readness through relationship education and skills training. There is so much pressure on military life today. Today we face more and long deployments that can put a stain on both marriage and family life. Strong Bonds helps the family not only to prepare for deployment and/or post-deployment, but helps the miliarty family to strenghten and keep the lines of communications open.
Couples like Mark and I volunteer to participate in a Strong Bonds retreat. Though it counts as AT for the soldier. It is held offsite, the retreat is design to maximize the family relationship training impact. Also known as a getaway, it provides a comfortable place for training, but for the couple to unwind. It is at these sites, chosen by the chaplens that offer emotionally safe and secure environment, where one can address the effects of miliarty life.
The Strong Bonds we attended was held at the amazing SkyTop Lodge, SkyTop, PA.

We had attended another event here, The Yellow Ribbon Reinteration about three weeks ago and was looking forward to our returning for what we knew would be an amazing weekend.
Strong Bonds first began in 1999, with four events and 90 couples in the 25th Division, Hawaii, Strong has since spread throughout the Active and Reserve Componernts of the Army.
In 2004, the US Code was amended to allow command funding for "chaplain-led programs to assist members of the armed forces--in bulding and maintainging a strong family structure," (Title 10-1789).
In the fiscal year of 2010, the Army completed the third year of a five year longitudinal study evaluating the outcome of Strong . Preliminary outcome shows a fifty percent lower rate in divorce with an increase in marital satisfaction for participants.
 Very true. For Mark and I walked away with a few tools in our toolchest. Even though it has been a week, we still are practicing the lessons we learned from Strong Bonds.
So why is this program so important to the Army?
Because strong families are the backbone of the Army. The Army realizes that when the Soldier's family is healthy and secure, the Soldier then can focus on the task at hand. Knowing thier loved ones are recieving the support needed back home, relieves their minds and hearts. Strong, loving marriages and relationships contribute to the maintenance of a healthy Army and a secure future force. While we have not gone through duty relocations, we have felt the stain of frequent deployments, we have had our relationship tested.
The research done on Strong Bonds has shown that the training couples recieves, improves communication skills, imtimacy and conflict management. As stated before, it increases marital satisfaction and reduces the rates of Family violence.
I am so happy to say that the Army sees the need and is going out of its way to help Soldiers and their Families get through the ups and down of Miliarty Life.
I highly recommand the Strong Bond Program to all our soldiers and their families.
It is truly worth the weekend.

If I had an complain, it would be it needs to be one day longer.

Love From Virginia

Now that the war in Iraq is over, I have thought about changing the title of this blog.But that would be wrong, for that is how this blog began.
It is more than my husband's last two deployments. It is the blog of our life as an Army Reservist family. Of life during the progress of predeployment, deployment and post-deployment. It is our lives when Mark returns home and has to return to every day life.

Mark's last deployment ended 15 months ago. In that time Mark has gone through the Wounded Warrior Program, caring for a sick friend, several knocks to our marriage, illness, and umemployment. Mark is amoung those Veterans who has been looking for work.
He did have one job that was contracted for six weeks. But it did little to get us back on our feet.
It is a daunting task to remain hopeful for 15 months of job searching and nothing. There has been several calls to hire Vets, but few are taking up the challenge.
Like so many, we too face losing our home, and we pray for G-d to step on our behalf. But not just us. For as I watch other miliarty families struggle with losing their homes, going on food stamps and worse, marriages breaking up under the strain.  I don't write this for pity, just stating hard facts.
It is hard to face twelve months of being in a warzone, away from home and loved ones, to fight for one's counrty and freedom, only to come home and find, you can't find a job or being tossed out of your home.
It is times like these we cling to the G-d of Abraham, Issac and Yacob. We hold onto our faith and we pray for each other. We helpe each other.
I pray for all of my fellow americans who are one paycheck away from being homeless. For those who need to find a job or create some means of earning an income to support themselves and care for their familes.
I remember when I was still doing private duty, caring for older folks who lived through the Great Depression. So many of my former patients would take me of how they came together as neighours, helping each other out. It was a time we as a nation learned to make do and to believe these hard times would not last forever.
I chose to believe that now. I chose to believe that our nation will not forget those who have served. I chose to believe that we as a people will continue to reach out our hands to each other.
I chose to continue believe in the goodness of America and her people.

Support Our Troops

How often I hear Support Our Troops.

And I am so thankful for every person that has prayed for our men and women in the military as well as for us the families who love them.

But sometimes I wonder, how much do we as a nation really appreacte the armed forces?

Oh, I'm not talking about Carepackages and letters form school children, great as they are.

But I mean when a soldier comes home and his wife hands his the papers saying the Bank is forclosing on their home? Or the Army Reserviest (like my husband) who comes home and still can't find a job after a year.

A National Gurad who know has to go and apply for Food Stamps to feed her family. The months of waiting to be seen at the VA hosptial.

There are wonder busniesses who indeed stepped up to the plate and hired our returning Veterans. There are wonderful groups, like Support Our Troops (one of the blogs I follow,) make sure our military isn't forgotten. And then there are folks I know who pray for Mark and I and all our troops.

I truly believe that they have given theit best, yes even their lives for us.

Maybe it is time for us as a nation, to step up our game and really support our troops.

Yeah, bring them home. Give them jobs and don't take thier homes.

Roses For My Lady

My husband and I refer to this month as Lovers Month. For this is the month (12th) six years ago that Mark asked me to marry him.
We celebrate this month because this is when our marriage really began. It was this time that we made convenat, sealing it under the Huppah that June.

For us it is a big deal. I decorate the house for the month, have a special meal and the past few years we have even got away for a lover's weekend.
Last year, we headed out for the Beach. Mark was home for R&R, so it was a precious time.
This year, I rejoice my hubby is home.
This year, after Hebrew class Sunday evening, we took off for Williamsburge, enjoying this special celebration.
One of the times I have always loved about Mark is that whether he is home or deployed, he workes to keep the passion, the romance going. Not to stay I don't. We work to keep the love going.
Last year, while Mark was coming home, I went shopping and found V-Day decorations at half and even ninty percent off. Including hearts and flowers wrapping paper that I covered our bedroom door with.
It has remain u.
A truly loving marriage is a romantic one. We would shower the one we love with love, not just the 14th of Feb, but every day of our lives.
Tonight as my husband takes his shower, I am so thankful he is home this year, to share this special time.
I don't take it, or him for granted.

The Joy of Shabbat

Yes, I know it has been a few months since I have written.
Life has come to a slow pace, a peaceful place.
Mark is still home and no deployments are in sight for the next few months.
The exciting news is we will have a soon a Civil Affairs unit stand up at a nearby base. Exciting because the base is only forty-five minutes from home instead of four-six hours. It means my support when he deploy will be right here.
Of course this means Mark's beard will have to go.
And it is now so nice and full.
But I am not thinking about that right now.
I am thining about the chuck roast in the oven, smelling good. I am thinking about how nice Mark will look in his Shabbat clothes.
The lighting of the candles, the sparkle of the wine and the scent of challah. The blessings. The time with the Holy One and with my beloved.
I think of the torah being chanted and the discussions afterwards.
I think of the peace that fills our home and pray for that peace to fill other homes, other hearts, even for the people of Egypt.
The joy of Shabbat.
There is nothing like it.

#links

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Mark's battle with depression.